Why your life sucks

and what you can do about it.

By Alan H Cohen

ISBN 1-58872-028-4

YOU GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY

You give your power way when you make someone or something outside of you more important than what is inside of you.

• You Put People on a Pedestal
• You imitate instead of create
• You do not listen to you intuition

When something is right for you something inside of you knows!

• You let others choose for you

If you do not use your mind someone else will.

• You think your destiny depends on something outside of you.

YOU EXPECT IT TO SUCK

• You accept phony limits from others without questioning
• You believe that you deserve pain.

Usually a factor of guilt. How to get over it.

Re-frame in your Favor -Whenever you do something for which you are tempted to blame yourself, find a way to view it that defines you as innocent.

Ask yourself how would you see such an act if it was done by someone you loved. Forgive yourself.

Do not lay guilt-Find a way to let others out of 'jail' and  you will escape with them. Forgive.

Do not pursue punishment- Leave it to the universe, you are wasting your time. Forgive.

Cultivate appreciation- Never apologize, diminish, or put yourself down. Accept compliments. Grow a positive attitude.

Act as if-If someone believes more in you than you believe in yourself, accept their believe.

• You believe struggle is required
• You thrive on drama and might be addicted to it.

Drama is a choice. Just because you shine in a crisis does not mean you need a crisis to shine.

• You settle for less than what you want or need.

Asking for what you want increase the chances of you getting it.

• You get stuck in the past. 

YOU GET FOOLED BY APPEARANCES

• You think looking good is more important than feeling good.
• You believe there is not enough.

Relax, do not worry.  Do not let yourself be intimidated by fear.

• You get involved in the dark side of the News.

Do not bury your head in the sand but also do not bury it in mass fear.

Do not watch news before you go to bed. Rather spend time relaxing and time on yourself.

• You try to fix symptoms rather than to fix the cause.
• You think you are just a body.
• You do not recognize Pervasive Well-Being.

Most things go well for most people, and the stuff that goes wrong is insignificant in proportion to all the things that go right. Millions of things have functioned productively for you today, but you have been trained to notice the few things that do not and build your experience around them. 

 

YOU WASTE YOUR ENERGY ON THINGS THAT SUCKS

• You waste your energy on activities that suck - you need to prioritize
• You waste your attention on things that suck - You need to focus.
• You waste your words on things that suck -drop self-sabotaging speech
• You waste your talents

1. You do not believe in yourself enough to express your talents
2. You feel guilty about accepting money for your talents
3. You do not take action steps to build your livelihood around your talents.

• You waste your energy on people that sucks.

• People who really sucks the energy vampires, these people left you feeling drained
• People who are with you for the wrong reasons.
• Out of a sense of obligation
• who use, abuse and do not appreciate you
• who do not really want to be there.
• people  you do not really like but need something from them.
• people with whom you have not set healthy boundaries.
• People you are trying to fix or save.
• People who do no like themselves
• People whose friendships or love you have outgrown.

Move beyond these toxic relationships by:

1. Recognize you have a choice to be with someone
2. If the situation is not working it is bad for both of you
3. If you are with a person that you cannot walk away (like family) Communicate by speaking the truth in a healthy manner.

• People who do not suck but you think they do - place yourself in their shoes.
• You waste your energy on goals that suck.

struggle to get. struggle to keep

 

YOU KEEP TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF

• You are living someone else's dream - the disease to please.
• You measure yourself against impossible standard.
• You keep trying to fix yourself - self-abuse because you keep thinking their is something wrong with you.
• You compare yourself to others
• You are selling your soul for public recognition
• You collect people-trophies - groupie, spouse, starfucking, name/photo  dropping
• You are fighting a grudge match- trying to prove others wrong 

YOU SAY YES WHEN YOU MEAN NO

• You are afraid People will not like you if you say no.
• You try to protecting others from getting hurt- an honest no is a gift.
• You scatter yourself- think quality over quantity
• You do not set healthy boundaries

Practice healthy boundaries:

1. Time-decide ahead of time the amount of time per person or project. Show up on time but also leave on time.
2. Personal Physical Space- claim you right to a personal haven and be vigilant about it.
3. Money - have a strict budget with room for leisure and stick to it for outside demands.
4. Work- separate work from your personal life. Stick to predetermine hours and phone calls not to invade your personal life.
5. Sex-have sex with the person you choose, when you choose and how you choose. NEVER have sex out of politeness.
6. Emotional Availability- support friends and family but step back when you feel drained.
7. Spiritual Practice - create alone time to nourish yourself, center yourself, balance yourself. Make that an announce time so that people around you know and respect that.

• You Participate in Relationships that you do not belong.

1. Romantic relationship- when it is over cut the cord. Do it with love do it firm. Do not torture yourself.
2. Toxic relationship- END relationships that hurt you emotionally, physically and mentally. This goes for family, employers and lovers!
3. Mismatched relationships - you are with someone who do not have the same or respect your values and intentions.
4. Dead Relationships - you have nothing in common anymore.

• You procrastinate - happens when you are not dealing.
• You second guess yourself - do not trust yourself
• You say yes when you mean maybe - rather say 'let me think about' it or 'maybe'
• You say no when you mean yes - being a sellout. you deny yourself.
• You do not say no to your kids 

YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF

• You think everything depends on you - the world is NOT going to fall apart without you.
• You refuse to accept help
• You resist delegating
• You have to be always right - micro-manager
• You won't let anyone into your heart
• You make not use of your higher power - trust the universe, trust your sub-conscious

YOU TRY TO FIX OTHER PEOPLE

• You try to keep everybody happy all the time-you do not have the right or power to make anyone happy or unhappy.
• You feel responsible to take away any pain you encounter - trust each individual has their own journey.
• You equate worry with love - it is really a combination of fear and mistrust, you do more harm.
• You identify yourself as a savior- messiah complex
• You label people- you are trying to fix an interpretation of a person.
• You are trying to save the world- just mind your own business, be the change
• You marry someone with the expectation they'll change- over the years the behavior will only intensify. Rather love than demand
• You try to get your kids to live the life you choose for them.
• You try to turn friendships into downlines- insincere networking

YOU STARVE YOUR SOUL

• You are to busy- we multitask our connections away
• You are burnt out- take care of your emotionally well being first before anybody elses.
• You deny your passion - passion has a stigma that is untrue.
• You treat your body like an unloved pet - eat right, rest, move, get outside, enjoy sex, massage
• You do not play enough 

YOU FORGOT TO ENJOY THE RIDE

• You are so busy planning for tomorrow that you miss today.
• You live in the past.
• You live in you head.- loose your mind but come to your senses
• You impale yourself on the goalpost
• Money runs your life
• Your possessions possesses you- enslave yourself
• Your drive for security make you insecure
• You avoid death at the expense of life - when you face death you will truly live.

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